The most disturbing amusement park ride

Alright. I'm about to spend my next few posts singing the praises of one of my favorite amusement parks, Knoebels. But, I honestly have to get this out of the way before I do because, frankly, it's just too weird to skim over or not give its own post. If you're a little prudish, skip this one.

In Knoebels, there is a (surprisingly difficult to photograph) ride named 1001 Nachts. It's a "gondola" style ride, with a platform attached to an arm which turns 360 degrees. It's themed in an Aladdin/AliBaba style, with a genie and harem girls. Meanwhile, elsewhere, there is a woman named Amy Wolfe-Weber, who is a church organist. How do these two things relate? In probably the most disturbing way possible.

Amy has been having a "polygamous relationship" with the ride for the past decade. Apparently, she has a condition known as objectum sexuality which is when a person is unable to form a relationship with other human beings, so instead is attracted to items. So, I guess if you go to a bar and have no interest in anyone sitting there, but think the pool table is making eyes at you, you have a diagnosis.

Amongst her other, er, lovers, are spaceship models, the WTC, a railing, and her church organ. The last I find most disturbing and potentially the source of the most Sunday morning amusement. But the story just keeps getting weirder. Apparently, 1001 Nachts is such a catch that she decided to hold onto it. And so this past year she "married" the ride. She legally changed her name to "Weber" as it's the name of the maker of the ride, posted a picture of the ride on her ceiling, and sleeps with spare old nuts and bolts from the ride.

“I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we’ll be together forever.” Yes, that's right. Gondola rides are male. And this one is off the market.

Standing at the foot of the ride, the physics of the relationship baffle, although we did try to put some thought into the most sanitary place to sit. The knowledge that it's the only ride in the part no longer a bachelor makes the whole experience of watching nine year old kids race up the line and pick their seats downright creepy. Even the height sign at the bottom "rub my magic lamp" seems downright weird. Still, we all lined up just for the irony factor, so it isn't neccessarily bad for business.

If you're not completely creeped out already, I suggest you go to about 3:30 in the following video. Then take a shower. With Draino. Honestly, I have a high tolerance for just about everything and this is way way too much.