Weird News: A little preholiday warning

Thanksgiving dinner put away? Good. Hitting the Black Friday sales? Be sure to be nice to the salespeople. Oh, and as you gear up for the holidays, take a lesson this Wilkes Barre family learned last year. Take a head count on your family. If it is one more than you remember it being, it might be time to call the cops.
From MSNBC:
"A family did not realize they had an unexpected Christmas guest until a man who had been in their attic for days emerged wearing their clothes, police said. Stanley Carter surrendered Friday after police took a dog to search the home in Plains Township, a suburb of Wilkes-Barre about 100 miles north of Philadelphia. He was charged with several counts of burglary, theft, receiving stolen property and criminal trespass."

But, you may ask, how long can a man be in your house without you noticing, and honestly, wouldn't there be any clues? The answer is SEVEN days and, well...

"Ferrance said she had heard noises but thought they were caused by her three children. She notified police on Christmas Day when cash, a laptop computer and an iPod disappeared, then called police again the next day when she found footprints in her bedroom closet, where the attic trap door is located.

Carter kept a list of everything he took, said Plains Township police Officer Michael Smith. "When we were going through the inventory of what he did take, we found a note labeled 'Stanley's Christmas List' of all the items he had removed from the residence and donated to himself," Smith said.... "When he came down from the attic, he was wearing my daughter's pants and my sweat shirt and sneakers," homeowner Stacy Ferrance said. "From what I gather, he was helping himself to my home, eating my food and stealing my clothes."

Well, now that we are all sufficiently creeped out, happy holidays.

As previously mentioned, I'm an ex Penn Stater. But this isn't to say that there aren't things I dislike about my alma mater, or things that I find just incomprehensible.

There are also things I find just plain tiring. One trip anywhere near main campus will show you that the University is more than a little overmarketed. On a whirlwind tour for Christmas gifts around University Park, we were able to find our choice of 7 different kinds of PSU branded baby's first shoes. If the Nittany Lion logo will fit on a product, they put it there. Even so, this amuses me. Whoever decided this one didn't attend the same school I did: apparently Penn State smells like sparkling cassis, raspberry blossom, moroccan rose, dewberry blossom, evening lilac, vanilla and amber. Why it's particularly "sparkling" cassis and "evening" lilac I haven't a clue. And although I did meet several girls named Amber there, none were of a fragrant essence I'd like to bottle.

I could say what scents bring to mind my time on that college campus, but it's almost cheating. If you'd like to weigh in on that one, be my guest: What is the scent of your Penn State experience?

Anyway, this is actually way more official than most branded items. The alumni association sells it, and it's supposed to bring about the essence of Old Main. Which, I figure should smell more like Old Coaly, but maybe it's me. So, if you have $60 bucks and shipping to spare, have at yea.

The most disturbing amusement park ride

Alright. I'm about to spend my next few posts singing the praises of one of my favorite amusement parks, Knoebels. But, I honestly have to get this out of the way before I do because, frankly, it's just too weird to skim over or not give its own post. If you're a little prudish, skip this one.

In Knoebels, there is a (surprisingly difficult to photograph) ride named 1001 Nachts. It's a "gondola" style ride, with a platform attached to an arm which turns 360 degrees. It's themed in an Aladdin/AliBaba style, with a genie and harem girls. Meanwhile, elsewhere, there is a woman named Amy Wolfe-Weber, who is a church organist. How do these two things relate? In probably the most disturbing way possible.

Amy has been having a "polygamous relationship" with the ride for the past decade. Apparently, she has a condition known as objectum sexuality which is when a person is unable to form a relationship with other human beings, so instead is attracted to items. So, I guess if you go to a bar and have no interest in anyone sitting there, but think the pool table is making eyes at you, you have a diagnosis.

Amongst her other, er, lovers, are spaceship models, the WTC, a railing, and her church organ. The last I find most disturbing and potentially the source of the most Sunday morning amusement. But the story just keeps getting weirder. Apparently, 1001 Nachts is such a catch that she decided to hold onto it. And so this past year she "married" the ride. She legally changed her name to "Weber" as it's the name of the maker of the ride, posted a picture of the ride on her ceiling, and sleeps with spare old nuts and bolts from the ride.

“I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we’ll be together forever.” Yes, that's right. Gondola rides are male. And this one is off the market.

Standing at the foot of the ride, the physics of the relationship baffle, although we did try to put some thought into the most sanitary place to sit. The knowledge that it's the only ride in the part no longer a bachelor makes the whole experience of watching nine year old kids race up the line and pick their seats downright creepy. Even the height sign at the bottom "rub my magic lamp" seems downright weird. Still, we all lined up just for the irony factor, so it isn't neccessarily bad for business.

If you're not completely creeped out already, I suggest you go to about 3:30 in the following video. Then take a shower. With Draino. Honestly, I have a high tolerance for just about everything and this is way way too much.

World's Oldest Bartender

Keep your newfangled flair and mixology. I'm proud to say that Pennsylvania has the world's oldest bartender... well, had.
Angelo Cammarata retired this summer, after his son had a heart attack. His son, it should be mentioned had just about reached retirement age himself.
Angelo is 95 years old, making him the oldest bartender and the longest serving bartender (according to Guiness Book of World Records). He started tending bar when Prohibition was lifted at the age of 19. Literally the second Prohibition lifted. His father bought a truck of beer, and the patrons counted down to midnight, at which point he served his first bottle. It was Fort Pitt beer, and sold for 10 cents a bottle, and was a rousing sucess.
In his time as a barkeep, he remembers playing Milton Berle and Sinatra on the television--his was the only one in town.
He worked primarily in his own bar in West View, which was a no frills establishment. Meanwhile, he has won his way into the Anheuser-Busch 70 years of service award (he's the only member), and the Jim Bean Hall of Fame. He doubts that anyone will beat his record.
The only thing that kept him away for all those years was a stint in the Army during WWII, because Uncle Sam doesn't officially imbibe.

Weird News: Cop Robber

Bit of an old story, but an absolute favorite on my part. This tidbit happened in Harrisburg last March. Doesn't say much for our local criminals.

Let's say that you're a criminal looking to rob someone. You hatch upon a plan to stick a gun in someone's face when they're leaving a men's room stall, catching them unawares and demanding money and valuables. So far so good, right?

Well, not so much. The man the criminal robbed was a retired police chief. This wasn't entirely surprising, as the men's room in question was outside of a convention for narcotics officials which was attended by over 300 officers. According to some varied sources this was very well advertised too, as in nice big signs and directional kiosks.

Not surprisingly, the suspect didn't get very far, and a few people were on hand to arrest him. The absolute best is the quote that's circulating that he said as he was taken into custody. "I'm smooth".

Weird News: The Best Defense

I'm quite fond of watching court cases unfold. The forensics, drama, testimony--I could watch Court TV (er... TruTV, whatever) like it was my job if left to my own devices. So a recent crime spree ended in arrest and I was horribly upset that there was a confession rather than a trial. I wanted to see this one battle it out in the courtroom.

The case: It seems that in Penn Forest, a fire started in a house belonging to a man named Joe Mesa. Oddly enough, the cops arrived to find a simultaneous fire raging in a Pontiac parked out in the driveway. Both members of the family, along with their dog escaped any harm.
A little bit of research found that there were three points of origin, the aforementioned car being set ablaze at about the same time as two different start points on opposite sides of the house. There was clear indication that something had been poured to start the fire, and this ended up being a large quantity of rubbing alcohol. Moreover, Mesa's house had been foreclosed, and he had taken out two insurance policies, which he attempted to cash in after the fire.

This would be where the prosecution would rest, and the defense would pick up the proceedings. And, had Mesa stuck with his initial response, that defense was as follows: "a ghost lives in the basement and he thinks the ghost is responsible for these fires." I'd love to see the idiots the defense would bring in to bolster the claim. Or, if this were a movie scenario, the ghost actually taking the stand and defending itself. Sadly, though, Mesa eventually admitted he had done the deed, pointing out the obvious, and leaving my expectations in the dust.