Weird News: A little preholiday warning

Thanksgiving dinner put away? Good. Hitting the Black Friday sales? Be sure to be nice to the salespeople. Oh, and as you gear up for the holidays, take a lesson this Wilkes Barre family learned last year. Take a head count on your family. If it is one more than you remember it being, it might be time to call the cops.
From MSNBC:
"A family did not realize they had an unexpected Christmas guest until a man who had been in their attic for days emerged wearing their clothes, police said. Stanley Carter surrendered Friday after police took a dog to search the home in Plains Township, a suburb of Wilkes-Barre about 100 miles north of Philadelphia. He was charged with several counts of burglary, theft, receiving stolen property and criminal trespass."

But, you may ask, how long can a man be in your house without you noticing, and honestly, wouldn't there be any clues? The answer is SEVEN days and, well...

"Ferrance said she had heard noises but thought they were caused by her three children. She notified police on Christmas Day when cash, a laptop computer and an iPod disappeared, then called police again the next day when she found footprints in her bedroom closet, where the attic trap door is located.

Carter kept a list of everything he took, said Plains Township police Officer Michael Smith. "When we were going through the inventory of what he did take, we found a note labeled 'Stanley's Christmas List' of all the items he had removed from the residence and donated to himself," Smith said.... "When he came down from the attic, he was wearing my daughter's pants and my sweat shirt and sneakers," homeowner Stacy Ferrance said. "From what I gather, he was helping himself to my home, eating my food and stealing my clothes."

Well, now that we are all sufficiently creeped out, happy holidays.

Dead in Pa: Don Brockett

I love Mr. Rogers, as I've previously waxed on about. Let's discuss one of the lesser characters... Anyone remember this fellow?
Chef Brockett was a little before my time, but I recall him from reruns (because nothing REALLY changes in the neighborhood). He was one of those characters who bridged the Land of Makebelieve and the real world, running a bakery in the real neighborhood to sell to the makebelieve puppets.

Well, apparently once the IRS got tired of his profits-from-pretend-world money laundering scheme, and considering that Edgar Cooke runs a Hell's Kitchen, the actor Don Brockett did have to find other work. Let's see if we can place him in the next clip.



Yup, the friendly chef with a limp went on to become a Romero zombie.... uncredited, of course. Let's see where else he turns up.



Did you catch him? Right at 5 seconds in. Awesome right? He also had a credit in "Bloodsucking Pharohs in Pittsburgh", which I MUST track down for my own amusement.

So, now I want to construct a scenario where those three items all intertwine into one dialogue. Like-- Psychopathic killer has long term hallucinations of being a baker and serving cookies to puppets. After zombie apocalypse, he is one of the head zombies thanks to his pre-death violence.... I don't know.

Anyway, poor Don passed away in 95, and is buried in Pittsburgh.

Oh, and he was in Flashdance too, but... Pfft

Zombies in Pa

If you're like me, nothing is more fun than a good zombie movie, except for maybe a comedic zombie or two. I own the Zombie Survival Guide and keep my mind busy by developing plans for how to survive should my work get overrun by the living dead. Imagine my delight to find out that there are people who are about as serious in their real life zombie exploits as you can get --and they're near Philly, and will be active tomorrow.

Now, I know that I have no chance of surviving a real zombie apocalypse. If anything, I'd be the girl seen briefly tripping while being chased in the establishing shot of your average zombie movie. Therefore, my best chance in that scenario is associating with people who have an incredibly high likelihood of surviving a zombie attack. I was actually tentatively going to attend this with a more zombie-adept and well armed friend, but it sold out before he could sign up. Hopefully, the number of people registering means this will become semi annual, or hell, a monthly affair so that a girl has a chance to see some zombies get blown up.



What makes this so exciting? This is no Nerf sword LARP event. Oh no. The zombies may be fake, but the weapons are oh so real. This is hosted by the Langhorne Rod and Gun Club, and they take it wickedly seriously. There seems to be plenty of theatrics involved, complete with an apocalypse scenario and costume contest for couples, but that can't fool you. This is a real themed shooting match, where you "survive" each round to progress and win prizes. And some of the people involved seem ridiculously skilled with a weapon, making it even more delicious.

To quote: "This is a 3-gun style match. All shooters must fire the pistol and shotgun stages with those firearms. Those stages are the SAME for everybody. When it comes to the rifle stages, you must make a choice. You will register as a rifle/carbine shooter, or a scoped precision rifle shooter. You can shoot one or the other, but not both. If you are uncertain which way to go, please know that the precision rifle shooter will be expected to hit .5MOA targets out to 200Y. The rifle/carbine shooter will be presented with actual size targets at various distances from 10 to 200 yards...Please be prepared with the following: Precision Rifle- 40 Rounds Standard Rifle- 150 rounds Pistol- 50 rounds Shotgun-40 rounds" I'm gun stupid and have no absolutely no concept of what any of that means, but it's damn serious.

Still, I'm sold on the idea. Check out this video from last year's event.



Notice that one of the heckling shouts appears to be "Braaaaaains"? The people's reactions, the fake zombies, the pure fun grittiness of it drives you giddy, and I can add Bucks County to the list of safest places to be when the dead begin to rise.

As previously mentioned, I'm an ex Penn Stater. But this isn't to say that there aren't things I dislike about my alma mater, or things that I find just incomprehensible.

There are also things I find just plain tiring. One trip anywhere near main campus will show you that the University is more than a little overmarketed. On a whirlwind tour for Christmas gifts around University Park, we were able to find our choice of 7 different kinds of PSU branded baby's first shoes. If the Nittany Lion logo will fit on a product, they put it there. Even so, this amuses me. Whoever decided this one didn't attend the same school I did: apparently Penn State smells like sparkling cassis, raspberry blossom, moroccan rose, dewberry blossom, evening lilac, vanilla and amber. Why it's particularly "sparkling" cassis and "evening" lilac I haven't a clue. And although I did meet several girls named Amber there, none were of a fragrant essence I'd like to bottle.

I could say what scents bring to mind my time on that college campus, but it's almost cheating. If you'd like to weigh in on that one, be my guest: What is the scent of your Penn State experience?

Anyway, this is actually way more official than most branded items. The alumni association sells it, and it's supposed to bring about the essence of Old Main. Which, I figure should smell more like Old Coaly, but maybe it's me. So, if you have $60 bucks and shipping to spare, have at yea.

Knoebels, More Stuff

Continuing...
One thing that has me inordinately mad about Knoebels is that they started to build what seems like the potential for the most awesome wooden rollercoaster ever... and then they stopped. It was called The Flying Turns, and it's a coaster without a track. Instead the car will go through a sled like series of bends and luges making the ride slightly different with the weight displacement and OH MY GOD HOW AWESOME DOES THAT SOUND. It was set to open this year, and instead sits a half finished hulk.

There's a lot of explanations on their website about how they didn't anticipate the difficulties of designing a ride like this and.... whatever. I will personally kidnap a hoard of physicists and steal a few copies of CAD for them to figure this one out. No excuses, dammit, this must be completed and I must ride with the 20 fattest men I can find to get the full gravity effect.

Alright... Calming down. On the brighter side, they have a ridiculous number of hurdy gurdys and carusol music makers around the park. You know, the ones which play Sousa marches with the figurines in front. Sadly, the makers were never allowed to see a woman before carving one, so they substituted the face of their uncle Ned.

Also, they hadn't seen one unclothed, so they just winged that one.


And, in the one last awesome thing category, see if you can remember this water fountain:
There were literally dozens of these around when I was a kid in the eighties. I remember zebras, tigers, bears and Mr. Lion here. It makes me so happy to see he's still around. Not that I'd stick my head in there to drink if I was paid, that's just nasty and some kid probably slobbered all over the faucet, but still, it's good it exists.

Knoebels, The Rides

Continuing on yesterday (and having amnesia regarding the day before), more about Knoebels.
The rides are, of course, the main draw, and they have some amazing pieces there (even if you're not attracted to them in that way). The absolute hands down star is the Phoenix. Phoenix originally was in San Antonio and named the Rocket, but was moved to Knoebels in 1985. It's essentially been there the entire time I've been old enough to be aware of the existance of rollercoasters, it was the first coaster I rode on, and it is still hands down my favorite and the best coaster I've ridden. I say that as a coaster aficiando and someone who actually had a summer job as a teen running a coaster. Phoenix has the perfect equation of a tunnel and a nice long series of lift you out of your seat bumps. I'm not the only one who thinks so either, the ride has an entire trophy case at the bottom of awards it's won.

The other coaster is Twister, another rescued coaster. It's okay, I went on it opening weekend and have a soft spot for no other reason. The track is a little shakey and the turns are tiring after a while, frankly.

While I'm making it painfully obvious the history I have with this place, I'll point out that the Hand Cars were the best part about being a child and I nearly wept when I outgrew them. Doesn't matter that the ride is older than my mother.

Keeping with the preservation of history deal, the place has a two carusols. The one is a large, historical deal, with weird paintings of absurb scenarios from the turn of the century. (The one above has a woman spanking a man. Another has a woman playing baseball. Scandalous. Several of the other feature characature drunks.) The fun part about the carosul is that they actually have brass rings for you to catch, which I've never seen anywhere else.

Don't you love it? That's the Sky Slide, and it's just that, a giant slide where you walk up the center and slide down around and around the outside. It's so wonderfully simple, retro, and fun. Half the people coming down are parents with babies and toddlers all laughing, and the lines for this one get surpringly long.

One of the things you have to understand about Knoebels is that they don't charge admission. You either buy an unlimited pass for the rides or tickets to ride them, and pay for food, but you can come and go out of the park as you please. They even provide huge pavilions for you to bring your own food and picnic, provided you clean up your area. So, if you're just bringing your kids and not riding, it's a huge savings. Plus, thanks to the picnicing, they keep their food prices lower than you'd pay at, say Busch Gardens. It's still overpriced, but not highway robbery.

Right, I can stretch this into another day, can't I? Not like anyone's reading this...

Knoebels, Part One

Every summer, I face a problem. On one hand, I love a good coaster. On the other hand, coasters tend to live in slick amusement parks with overly planned layouts and screaming lines. Which is why I go to Knoebels. Even though there's only two coasters, I'd rather ride them dozens of times than wait hours at the other places.

The reason Knoebels is awesome is one reason alone. The place holds, above all else, to a sense of history. It officially started in 1926, although people visited to picnic and use the swimming hole there previously. More importantly, the place feels every year since. They haven't really found the need to revamp everything into a streamlined modern affair. Instead, you feel like you're walking through a series of stages of building into what it is now. The place feels established. It's an aesthetic that the big amusement parks would love to have, but would fail miserably on.

That isn't to say that the place is run down. In fact, it's meticulously well maintained. Everything, from the rides to the buildings is fresh and clean, and even the oldest rides are solid and safe. The whole place celebrates it's age, and with it, it's own kitsch. In fact, they seek it out, hosting three museums, including one to about it's own history and constantly finding old rides to bring in to the park, restore and preserve a sense of what amusement parks were. A good example is the Looper, their newest ride to date. It was built in the 50s and was a common ride of the day, but this one had fallen into disrepair and disuse. Knoebels bought it, restored perfectly it using the advice of the original engineer, and it's the only one of its type operational in the United States. This isn't the sort of place where rides go to die, it's where they go to be treasured and preserved.

The fact that they don't mess with the established areas of the park means that there's plenty of areas where you feel like you should be standing next to Don Draper from Mad Men as he watches the kiddies and smokes. Above, for instance, is the giant pink birthday cake with candles that sits on top of candy canes and serves as one of the rentable pavillions. Or almost the entire children's area. The Panther Cars and Bumper Cars are both a dream for anyone looking for the location of a 50s or 60s period scene in a movie. It's amazing this place hasn't been found yet.

Course, not changing too much has it's problems. There's the Loaf, a building shaped like, well, a loaf of bread. The main drag of the fair now goes behind the building, meaning you walk by a lot of exposed ductwork. (Around front, the giant loaf of bread inexplicably serves frozen yougart, in a connection I don't quite get).

The other fun part about touring around the place is trying to date things based on the fonts--They range from Art Deco to sixties flowery style to faux eighties dot matrix and everything in between.

Anyway, I'm posting this specifically today as this weekend and next they are opening the park for a Halloween haunted special. Some of the rides will be open, as well as special haunted stuff, so if you want to check the place out before next year, you have a great chance.